Un Triste Natale
by Symphonies in Sorrow
Summary: Don't understand the title? Come in and read my first fic around Cy and the translation of the name... Kinda sad, but enjoyable... [EDIT: another revision; check the changes...]


**Overture**

Hi guys, how are you? Your favorite symphony is back with a new one-shot fic around Christmas and... a character not very used: Cyborg. But please, read on...

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Christmas… look how much snow! It's really beautiful, it's all white! It reminds me of when I was a little child… of the first time I saw some snow. How sorrowful is memory lane? Whenever you are sad, your mind just runs back to your most beautiful memories… and it fills you with grief. It is something I really hate; I mean, I just lose control over my mind for a minute; I see again my happy times, my joyful memories and, like some sort of masochism, they hurt me deep down inside; I like to hurt myself. Is this normal for a human? I think it's abnormal to be so sad right in a warm Tower, with great friends and the day before Christmas, too. That's abnormal. But to be honest, I'm not even human. I'm half human. The other half is composed by electronic parts. Half human, half robot. That's something I really am having trouble accepting. I still can't accept my body. Is this a fault? Is this something wrong? I just can't understand why I live in this condition… I know there's somebody who's worse than me, but… I still can't accept that. I'd prefer to just be a normal guy, and not a super hero. But am I a super hero? What makes me a hero? Saving the city 24/7? Saving a human life? Maybe, but you'll become a hero in front of the eyes of somebody else. People will call you hero. What about yourself? Can I call myself a hero? What did I do for me? What I think makes a hero is that capacity of facing your problems strongly and with bravery. Your troubles. And I'm not a hero. My mind is whip-lashing my soul, every two seconds I think to something happy and I just lose control. Yesterday, while I was playing a videogame with Beast Boy… I cried. I just lost control, hot tears started their fall, and I wasn't able to hide them. Beast Boy saw them. Luckily, he thought it was a joke, so I'd just laugh and go on. Thanking God, he didn't say a thing to the others. He didn't understand what's inside me. But Rob, or Rae can understand that. And I don't want them to be worried about me. Raven is a wonderful girl; I hope she will find a good guy and have a family. She deserves it. And Rob… talk with Star, c'mon, everybody knows about it… except her. Go talk just for one minute with her, face to face, okay? Sometimes human beings are very stupid. Well, I think I can do nothing with it, it's just timidity. I already have my problems. This sorrow doesn't want to end. It's digging its way through me, it's cracking my light shell of strength, it's shattering my mind. I can't endure this. 

"Cyborg, you will NOT endure this. Your life is gonna be over"

That's the voice… yesterday, with Bb, I heard this voice, commentating the short rest of my life, and I started to cry. This is… my voice. But not my normal voice. I can't make you understand that type of voice; just think for a minute that your life is gonna be over in a short period of time. You're gonna die soon. "But you're young, you can't die!" No, my friend. Don't think of youth as immortality. If Death wants you, no matter how far or how fast you will run, it will find you. Never forget it. As I was saying, you're gonna die soon. How does your voice sound? Normal? Impossible. Something is eating at you, a cancer is slowly biting your soul, your mind, your heart… piece by piece. Insanity is right around the corner. If you pay attention, it comes… like an obvious result: if I'm gonna die soon, then why shouldn't I live my last days as a mad psycho? Why shouldn't I go crazy, exit out of here and go take somebody with me for the last ride? Who doesn't love company? Or, better: why should I wait for Death to knock on my door, why shouldn't I make a shortcut? Why shouldn't I kill this damn body, half human, half robot? Why should I care about something I already lost? My life?

How many questions… I feel like a butterfly. I'll tell you a story: butterflies know their destiny. They know when they'll die, they know that they will live just a few days, then… Here's how I feel. A walking cadaver. And believe me, this is the worst sensation a man can feel. It destroys you from the inside. And this is not the death I wanted. I wanted a normal death, like beautiful roses, which slowly wither and die. Why can't I become old? Strange, I want something most men hate: to age, or become older, if you will. Why can't I have a family? Why can't I have somebody to love beside me? Why can't I have a child to love, to raise and teach? Why should I be deprived of all those wonderful things that compose our lives? I want an answer, why?!

I'm crying. Alone, in the living room of this warm Tower, watching a wonderful snow coming down of the sky, I'm spending my last tears. Last, because I know they will stop in a few time. My life is gonna be over. The voice is damn right. This is sorrow no more. This can't be grief. It is something more. This is pain. The pain of a mind scared of death, the pain of a mind that knows that the final hour is really close, the pain… of Cyborg.

-Cy? What's wrong?-

I didn't realize it. The guys came back. They went out for last minute Christmas shopping. They're full of packages, they were probably smiling with happiness… now, they see my face. They aren't smiling anymore, which I am sorry for.

-Nothing. Really, I'm all right- I try to look calm, but I can't. Tears continue to fall.

Beast Boy lays his gifts under the tree, then he talks. Don't say it, Bb…

-Hey, let me think… you cried yesterday too, right? I thought it was because I was beating you up with that videogame…-

Videogame… I… cried because of a videogame… That's enough.

I laugh. Not a normal laugh, I look like an insane that should be locked up in the loony bin. I feel the tears entering in my mouth, they're hot and bitter. I can see the faces of my friend. They're totally shocked. And I can understand 'em. A sad and crying face, mixed up with crazy laugh is something really strange. But if I'm laughing it's all because of Beast Boy. C'mon, can I cry for a videogame?! Can I cry because I'm losing a game?! Ah, you're great, Bb…

-Cy, now I'm sure there's something wrong… calm down, wanna talk?-

I stop laughing in an instant. The change is faster than before. Now they're absolutely sure I'm crazy. And again, that voice…

" Ah-Ah! Yeah, hell, let's laugh… who cares if I'm gonna die before January?!"

I can't go on. I just fall on my knees, crying louder, I feel the inevitable need to scream, scream until my throat explodes. Now they're all around me, waiting for Cy's next delirium.

Starfire, that little alien girl, with a heart bigger than a planet, hugs me, calming me down, like a lovely sister with her brother scared by a nightmare. I wish it could be a nightmare.

-It's all ok, friend Cyborg. Calm down… do you want to share your feelings with us?-

Still hugging me, she talks with a peaceful voice: the voice of an innocent child. Thank you, Star.

-I'm sorry, guys… for everything… the fact is…-

The words escape my mouth. I feel like a puppet with no strings.

Now, Raven too is hugging me. How warm they are… I don't want to die. As everybody.

-…the fact is that… I'm gonna die very soon. And there's nothing I can do-

They look more shocked than before. Rob's mouth goes wide open. Bb Gapes.

-What do you mean…?- Raven talks right in my ears. In a whisper…

-What I said. Remember a couple of weeks ago, I did a complete check-up? I found a dysfunction in my heart. It's not genetic. It's human fault. One of my neuro-cable, linked with my heart to check it every time I need, was putted badly. Too closer to an aorta. Now the cable is broken and the aorta is damaged. In a couple of days it will...- This tear is different. It's not bitter. It's not mine. It's Raven's tear. She understood. -… explode for the pressure. The blood will break the aorta, the heart will not receive blood anymore and Cyborg's life is gonna be over before the New Year. That's why I was crying, Bb, not for a videogame. Don't worry: next time I'll beat you-

I try to make fun of a horrible situation, but it's impossible. Rae is still hugging me, crying on my shoulder. Star is crying too, finally hugging Robin (thank you, god!). Tears flows out even from Robin's eyes and Beast Boy… Poor Bb, he's totally desperate. He's my man, there's nothing to do.

-Aw, stop all those tears, I'm already sad; I don't want more grief from you…-

-He's damn right- Raven is crying no more - Why should he spend his last days unhappy? C'mon, it's midnight, it's Christmas…"

-Wait- says Robin, drying the tears off his face -There's something I want to know. One, is it inexorable?- he looks me, then he realized it. Yes. -Second question: why'd you keep it secret to us?-

That's a hard question. Should I lie? Or tell the truth? I love 'em too damn much.

-I didn't want to make you sad like me. I didn't want you to be worried about me. I didn't want to hurt you… but I already did it. I'm sorry-

-You're… why didn't you say it to me?- Beast Boy is really angry, I can understand why. -I thought we were… friends-

-Don't be mad at me, Bb… I did it because… I'm sorry for it…-

He still looks angry. Then he smiles, green eyes shining with tears.

-Oh, fuck it. It never happened. And now… let's open the gifts!-

Ah, Beast Boy! What a great friend! I will never forget him. Never.

-This is my last Christmas. And I want to spend it with my family: you. Stop sadness and let's open the packages…-

Still drying the tears off their faces, the Titans open the multicolored packages. There's everything: horror books, videogames, various soft animals… They look happy, but down their eyes I can see another little tear. A tear for a life that is gonna fly away. How can you remember a dead person? A dead friend? With your tears. I'll really appreciate that.

I watch out of the window the silent snow that slowly lies in the streets, in the houses, everywhere.

"Remember that song? 'Take a look to the sky just before you die, it's the last time he will…'"

I know it's probably the last time. But I am no longer afraid. I have my great friends beside me. I'll pass very happy to know that, as I loved them, they loved me.

-Hey Cy…-

Raven walks towards me. She's becoming more beautiful, growing up she will become a wonderful woman. And don't say she's a Goth. She's beautiful. And that's enough.

-Yes?-

-How do you feel?-

-I felt bad. I felt alone. I was wrong. And I don't care about death. I have my friends. Even Death will never take them from my mind. I'll forever remember each one of them. From the bad moments, to the wonderful days spent together. I just want you to remember that I love you all more than my short life. No matter how down they will bury me, I'll always remember you-

With shining eyes, she embraces me again, for the last time. Does she love me?

-And, as the others, I'll never forget you. Merry Christmas, Cyborg-

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**Finale**

Read it? How was that? I know it's kinda sad, but that's my mood... or my writing style... Anyway, if you don't understand the title... it's just because is Italian! I'm Italian, y'know... I wanted to write something in Italian... and here we are: the translation is: "A Sad Christmas". Please, review, I need some feedback, my ego is hungry...  
Anyway, still wating my fic (I AM SORRY!!!), I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. SYS is gonna write something else...  
Bye-bye!

EDIT: Another revision is up! I must thank **Sirius Horse Lover **for being a friend... and a mean bastard who shows to the entire world that my English sucks... I'm kidding, you're the best! I just need some lesson, 'cuz English is not my first language.  
Thank you...


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